Saturday, May 01, 2004

It seems like everytime i write in here I have something bad to say, I think thats just part of who I am its hard for me to be inspired to write unless I have some sort of overewhelming emotion that is eating at me while Im writing. I just dont understand the way life works sometimes. I mean, spirtually I believe in a higher power but there is something I just dont understand about the way this world works. Why are we attracted to people, or develop feelings for people that dont feel the same way? Its shitty. Its really shitty Ive seen it happen to so many people who pine away for someone with all they have and there is nothing they can do because the person doesnt feel the same way back about them. Its happened to me where there has been a person who has cared about me in a way I never could back about her. IT makes me sad to think about... but... it hits home the hardest when you personally have feelings for someone who doesnt have them for you. Usually I would just shun them off and just stop seeing them to make it easier, but she is one of my best friends so I have to do this whole bigger man I'll do anything to stay your friend thing. I mean in theory its easy to do... just let yourself not care about her and try not to show it... but in reality its one of the hardest things any person has to face. So here I am. happy that I have such an awesome friend, but at the same time as soon as I start thinking about how great she is it sucks! In a perfect world god would have us all set up to only care or be attracted to a person who will unconditionally feel the same about you. But this isnt a perfect world. Its not even fucking close.
Mike at 3:23 PM

Monday, April 26, 2004

Right now all I want to do is be happy. I mean, sure i am really happy now I have a nice life and Im not at all saying I dont. Im just looking for that extra thing ya know... something to take me to that next step of happiness beyond limits. Its just time now for my life to have a little bit more meaning, and somehow I need to find that. Holla At Cho Boy
Mike at 1:08 AM

Friday, April 23, 2004

Things have been kind of shitty lately again, but I try not to whine. All im gonna say is this: If you dont like me fine. Shut your mouth tho. If you have bad things to say to me. Save them. Because even if they are the truth, comming from you it means shit to me. So anyways. Im liking being out of my moms house, i went grocery shopping today for the first time it was quite exciting. Good thing I had Carrie to come with me and help out or I woulda been lost. There are a lot of aisles and it would have taken me ALL day to find what I needed. I got everything on my list except some new socks and Im pissed because, well anyone who was with me last weekend saw what happened to one of my better pairs of socks haha. O well I guess I could always get them tommarow. Ramon noodles are cheap as hell too lol. Im really glad Carrie and I started hanging out again, today was the first time her and I ever went off and just chilled by ourselves, it was a nice change of pace. Sometimes its nice to have a good friend of the opposite sex to hang with ya know. So we went shopping and when I came home I cleaned the house lol. I have NEVER spent that much work on cleaning. Picture me sweeping, mopping, vacuming, dusting the whole 9 yards. I must say it smells rather nice in here now. So it was a nice night of firsts for me. Not a very eventfull post to most people who will read this, but to me it was pretty exciting. Another friday night part tommarow yaaaay. I have to work at target til 9 ( damn orientation ) but after that I hope to have an other great weekend with my great friends. Holla at cho boy!
Mike at 2:10 AM

Thursday, April 15, 2004

I havn't slept its another one of those days/nights that go on forever. BUt this time it wasnt because of excessive partying. Last night I moved MOST of my stuff into my new place. I'll be living with some friends... tyler and dave. And its nice to really get out on my own and explore my independance. Im hoping that from this newly gained freedom that things in my life I thought were too difficult too pursue will now become a reality. The room is TINY, like a crowded bus haha but me and Tyler laughed our asses off manuvering a large futon down the small hallway. Small or not the rent is a good price and I'm excited about the next friday night party because this time... Ill have to show everyone my room... maybe some girls if I'm lucky haha!!! More good news also I've been offered a job at target, it is full time and 8.50 an hour. Is it the best job in the world? NO. will it pay the bills and help me buy things I really want? You better belive it! So we will see what happens there. All and all it has been a good day and I hope my weekend goes just as well. Especially with Michelle and Danielle's party on saturday!
Mike at 9:03 AM

Sunday, April 11, 2004

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR:

I went into this movie thinking ok here is another teen type comedy that will have his moments that I like and others will just be dumb... walking out my jaw was dropped I really really enjoyed this movie. There were some parts that were prob stretched that couldnt really happen, but all the love and emotions just came across so strong, and so real. It shows the adreniline of finnaly doing things you never thought you could, and shows how love will hit you so hard that at that moment nothing else matters. It took a diffrent approach at the romantic comedy story and it was great. Incredible love scenes... go see it PLEASE!
Mike at 11:15 PM

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

So its been quite a while since I have taken the time out of my day to write in here and for a few moments I almost gave it up all together. However a recent series of events has left me with enough emotion and inspiration to create another entry in here. Looking back at my life there has been a lot of things I have dont to put myself to shame. As we grow up I think we all change for the better and look back at our past as when "we were a diffrent person" thats all well and good and I think its a really healthy thing to do. Well over the weekend my past and the present collided head on like a frieght train and left me in the wreckage confused, yet strangely at a moment of clairity. A girl from my past, one whom I was intrested in romantically and I became reunited. In the past we had been friends and I was always deciding whether or not I wanted more with her. In turn I had been a real asshole to her and blew her off on several occasions.
Now here we were, the first time we had seen eachother in many months. When i saw her it was crazy because I looked at her and rememebered all the things I loved about her. She is one of the most friendly people people you will ever meet and every moment with her you feel completley comfortable just being yourself. As cliche as it sounds she would be the perfect girlfriend. Looking at her again I wondered to myself how I was ever stupid enough to ignore her and to NOT DATE HER. So i began crushing again and I made my feelings known to her and... my past returned. You see I blew it way long ago and now all I could do is suck it up and accept her as a friend. ( which i will happily do because she is great ) But still a part of me got really excited about the idea of me and her becomming more then friends, and as we all know no matter how gently they let you down your still going to be shookin up a little. So the moral... Mike's preaching time because you know I ALWAYS have to have some kinda of sermon or lesson. Instead of looking back in the past at what we did and deciding you dont want to be like that lets take two steps back and look at our lives now. Changing from who u used to be is great, however if we dont start looking at our flaws in the PRESENT we could be, at this moment, setting ourselves up for a future heart break. Wow I said all that without giving her name haha I dont want to embarrass her but I just want to get my message across, and this was a great example of why we need to change NOW and not later. Amen Mikey amen.
Mike at 11:33 PM

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I dont know why but I havn't had the urge to write much lately. I have just been out partying and having a good time. When I feel emotional enough to write in here again Ill be sure to say something profound and thoughtful.
Mike at 12:49 AM